Take for instance, my refusal to listen to any of my favorite pod casts. I have this irrational fear of running out of things to listen to on my trip and want desperately to have something "home-like" and "American" to listen to on my journey.
Please don't mistake my sudden patriotism. I mean, lets be honest, I trying to leave the country for three months because I desperately want to see the rest of the world. But, there's this underling anxiety that I have. I find myself leery, you see, I have never been away from good old red-white-and-blue for so long, and I find the idea a bit daunting.
I am recalling my trip to Uganda, where after 3 weeks in Africa, having arrived at the airport to head back home, I realized we had no way to get there. A sudden panic and longing for home seemed to overwhelm me. The sudden tug of distance that separated me from everything I'd ever known sucked the air from my lungs and left me breathless.
I was ready, at that time, to spend whatever amount of money to talk to my parents on the phone. To make some kind of connection. I found myself tearful, lonely, and forlorn.
It was such a stark contrast to the rest of my journey, where I had been all too happy to explore and see a place in the world that is so different from my own.
And so, like the crazy hypochondriac that I am, I am stashing and hording pod casts. I am collecting and saving for that rainy day of my journey, where all I want to do is listen to an American disk jockey from Chicago tell be about "this American Life" or to have a "story worthy week." Goodness knows, I should have a few of them along the way of my 3 month adventure!
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